I feel a sudden urge to get online and publish unsolicited advice about life and happiness.
I'm motivated, perhaps, by the fact it is the month of beginnings, gates, and transitions. Or, perhaps, it's the recent passing of legendary alternative advice-giver Louise Hay. She departed from this earth last year, leaving us one more star in the night's firmament. Old friend and lover Paulo Coelho paid tribute to her departure, stating, "her soul possessed life-affirming vitality, born in nature, destiny, following one's passion, self-forgiveness, travel, inner-peace… [The rest of the quote is omitted, because it is so vague and floral that it becomes an abstract Gaussian blur, when rendered in text.]"
It may also be the prospect of Oprah Winfrey as the next president of the United States. It matters not. Good advice will out, particularly if it can be rendered in a listicle form on the internet. These maxim are the optimal way of distilling the crude mass of the world into a purer, more manageable form, so listen up.
14 Rules for Success and Happiness
1. Live in the moment. All you have is the moment, so fucking live in it.
2. Let go of the fucking past. It's gone and you can't go back there. Get over it.
3. Meditate. Stop fucking around with those errant thoughts and stay focussed on your breathing. Just fucking do it.
4. Follow your passion. The world doesn't owe you any passion. You need to earn it yourself.
5. Stop worrying about the future. You can't fucking control everything, and worrying is a dick move.
6. Don't be depressed or anxious. It's not cool.
6. Don't be depressed or anxious. It's not cool.
7. Don't be afraid to let go of toxic people. They're assholes.
8. Change your thoughts and you will change your life. So, get your mental shit together.
9. We cannot become who we want to be by remaining who we are. It's fucking obvious.
10. Give. It doesn't matter if it's your time, your money, a compliment, or your presence, just fucking give. Don't be cheap.
11. Spend money on experiences. And keep doing it. It's fucking harder to churn experiences into a consumer rat race than physical objects, but you'll get there in the end.
12. Get plenty of sleep. Close your eyes and fall asleep. It's fucking easy — babies can do it.
13. Don't worry about what others thing of you. They're all fucktards. Be fucking true to your fucking self already.
14. Put the word 'fuck' into you speech and writing alot (sic). It's more impactful.
So, what are you waiting for? Get to it. Do the work. There are no magical fixes in life. I know. I've lived everybody else's life including yours, so I'm fucking qualified.
