My Family Heirloom

Amid a dusty pile of parchments on my old, oak shelves, I found a piece of paper that is among my dearest possessions. It was given to me by my late grandfather, Walter Fairflower, on the day of my birth. My parents were not as impressed as I have become with the present, as they felt that Granddad was taking advantage of the situation to promote another one of his 'whacky projects' in a setting where his family would have to accept it. Upon my entry to this world, the eccentric old man dedicated a zodiac of his own creation to me. The Fairflorian Calendar encapsulates the great feelings of bacchanalian power and victory in this world. Those feelings possessed only by those who grab life by the throat and throttle it until it gives them what they want. This parchment has most certainly helped shape my character, making me the warrior poet that I am. And so, I present to you my family heirloom. Fairflorian was my ancestors' surname for centuries, but changed under unclear circumstances in the early twentieth century. The calendar begins on the 8 April — my birthday — and runs in a twenty year cycle. We are currently in the year of the 'shooting down a helicopter with a hand gun' for those of you with lazy or incompetent minds.  

The Fairflorian Calendar

1983 - Year of the lion in the Serengeti
1984 - Year of the cowboy on the lonesome trial
1985 - Year of the soldier surviving in the jungle
1986 - Year of the warrior on the bloody battlefield
1987 - Year of the Viking pillaging the village
1988 - Year of the Geisha who is actually a deadly assassin
1989 - Year of the stealthy infiltration of the fortress
1990 - Year of the one-in-a-million shot
1991 - Year of the wild man on the moor
1992 - Year of the shooting down a helicopter with a handgun
1993 - Year of the jumping out an exploding building
1994 - Year of the poker-faced seduction
1995 - Year of the ordinary Joe just tryin' to get by in this world
1996 - Year of the sexy Native American warrior princess
1997 - Year of the sensei who uses an unconventional teaching method
1998 - Year of the drop-kicking your enemy off a cliff
1999 - Year of the powerful Amazon warrior
2000 - Year of the lightening-quick gun-slinger
2001 - Year of the all-in Royal Flush
2002 - Year of the pirates on the high seas

Sexy Native American warrior princess