Yearly Review

As a virulent critic in these awful, awful times, where truth and intellectual precision are so rarely welcomed on the lips or fingertips, it is important for me to maintain my cerebral purity, by admitting valid criticisms of my work. To date, few have dared to challenge my arguments, presumably because of their rigour and thoroughness. Across the land, stories are told of a fearsome blog that — much in the manner of the video in the horror film The Ring - is read at one's own risk, for the demolition of one's worldview is likely, as is conversion and subscription.
The most distressing and valid criticism is that I don't write often enough. When I embarked on the 2011 leg of my writing career, I intended to post an article fortnightly. A glance at my list of archives will quickly tell you how this plan failed. In response to its readership, The Fair Observations has published a yearly review, a 'state of the blog' or regal address, if you will, that meditates on the minor failings, glacial triumphs, joys, laments, and milestones of the past twelve months. Each reader will receive a personalised version of this address from this blog. After unravelling the deep red ribbon, the subscriber can then pry his paper knife beneath the sealed folds of the envelope, the colour of which is tastefully comprised of gold and subdued glitter. Upon cutting the package open, the recipient's anticipation will be satisfied when they will find the following text on quality vintage-textured paper:



Dear valued customer,

I wish to touch base with you in regard to your recent complaint, concerning the downsizing in the proliferation of articles in the year ending December 31st 2011. At The Fair Observations, we have a deep commitment to the development and implementation of reader satisfaction. It is central, in terms of our core values. Core business strategy-wise, we are wholly committed to delivering a customer focused article delivery service experience in a manner consistent and compliant with industry-leading standards. In our annual strategy for the year ending 2011, we were committed to the plan of delivering 26 articles annually, starting in January 2011. We envisioned our plan in a challenging economic climate, one in which it is necessary for companies to implement changes in order to maintain competitiveness. Despite our continual commitment to robust and vibrant delivery of the article reading experience, an insufficient quantity of articles were produced.
The company is regretful in terms of how the shortages of articles impacted on the daily lives of our subscribers. However, such a shortage was necessary as we are subject to the directives the bottom line. The providing of our sustained article delivery service to you is not expensed. As a consequence, it is necessary the company's labour be outsourced, in compliance with the demands of the 'daily life' experience. The company was unable to maneuver in terms of flexibility, and productivity downsizing became an inevitability.
The reader satisfaction experience is our deepest commitment and a key performance indicator going forward. Time management will be realigned to support a customer responsive service, and synergy will be exhausted in terms of efficiency. Frameworks will implemented and evaluated, and the Customer and Partner Experience (CPE) will become a central component of our business, as we realize our commitment to our clients realizing their potential.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation and compliance.

Regards,

Nigel Fairflower, CEO