With the release of The Avengers: Age of Ultron poised to easily take in over a billion dollars, and with DC and Marvel expanding their universe, there has never been a better time to release a superhero movie. All the various production companies are planning the release of lesser known stories and characters, and there has never been a greater time for an off-beat superhero film. I have a screenplay that has been gathering dust in the bottom of my wardrobe for years, and I believe that now is the time to let Hollywood bring my vision to life.
Nick Fury, aged and weathered from years of pursuing a vendetta, has finally tracked down the racist mastermind, Master Tokenism. A guru in the arts of magic and social stratification, Tokenism has campaigned to marginalise ethnic minorities. After an epic battle, Fury holds Tokenism by the scruff of the neck and demands he breaks the spell that keeps those of a different complexion sidelined. With malicious glee, Tokenism tells him there was no spell, and that society itself has sidelined its minorities. Aghast, and then dejected, Fury finally summons the strength to challenge the predominance of white superheroes. He enlists the help of Falcon, Lucious Fox, War Machine, Heimdall, Bishop, Black Panther, Perry White, Morpheus, and Storm. Together, they tap ferociously at their state-of-the-art SHIELD laptops, banging out articles for Upworthy. They create an innumerable volume of memes and type comments under articles and videos. They start an entire Facebook page dedicated to bringing about more black superhero leads.
All is going well, until they collide with an equally powerful force — a motley crew of female superheroes led by Wonder Woman. After decades of being denied her own feature film, the Amazonian princess has gathered a formidable ensemble to help her hit the screen. She is joined by Black Widow, Captain Marvel, She-hulk, Batgirl, Supergirl, Storm, Jean Grey, Rogue, Scarlett Witch, Kitty Pride, Pepper Pots, and the winged superhero with a mace in the Justice League, who I'm too lazy to look up. After knocking a few heads together, they have discovered that they were being held back by Wage Gap 76, an ethereal organisation, which our heroes have difficulty finding in reality. When they stumble upon a group of secondary superheroes led by Nick Fury, who work in dark rooms, they assume they have found who they are looking for.
Nick Fury, aged and weathered from years of pursuing a vendetta, has finally tracked down the racist mastermind, Master Tokenism. A guru in the arts of magic and social stratification, Tokenism has campaigned to marginalise ethnic minorities. After an epic battle, Fury holds Tokenism by the scruff of the neck and demands he breaks the spell that keeps those of a different complexion sidelined. With malicious glee, Tokenism tells him there was no spell, and that society itself has sidelined its minorities. Aghast, and then dejected, Fury finally summons the strength to challenge the predominance of white superheroes. He enlists the help of Falcon, Lucious Fox, War Machine, Heimdall, Bishop, Black Panther, Perry White, Morpheus, and Storm. Together, they tap ferociously at their state-of-the-art SHIELD laptops, banging out articles for Upworthy. They create an innumerable volume of memes and type comments under articles and videos. They start an entire Facebook page dedicated to bringing about more black superhero leads.
All is going well, until they collide with an equally powerful force — a motley crew of female superheroes led by Wonder Woman. After decades of being denied her own feature film, the Amazonian princess has gathered a formidable ensemble to help her hit the screen. She is joined by Black Widow, Captain Marvel, She-hulk, Batgirl, Supergirl, Storm, Jean Grey, Rogue, Scarlett Witch, Kitty Pride, Pepper Pots, and the winged superhero with a mace in the Justice League, who I'm too lazy to look up. After knocking a few heads together, they have discovered that they were being held back by Wage Gap 76, an ethereal organisation, which our heroes have difficulty finding in reality. When they stumble upon a group of secondary superheroes led by Nick Fury, who work in dark rooms, they assume they have found who they are looking for.
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| The first ever depiction of Wonder Woman in a feature film. |
Battle ensues, as each member of each side conveniently pairs up against their match. Walls get smashed, sufficient time for clever quips is allocated, civilians dash out of the way of the carnage, some of the ladies show off their silky - yet deadly - acrobatic skills. At one point, a knife is held at someone's throat, but she manages to repel the attack. Someone lies vulnerable on the floor at gun point. A gunshot goes off, but our vulnerable hero survives, as it is the shot of an ally, who has just saved his life. Memes and sensationalist articles come flying out of nowhere. The battle draws to a standoff, and the heroes quickly realise that they should be on each other's side. Storm, whose allegiance has been torn for the first two acts, gives a long, rousing, expositional speech about intersectionality. In the third act of the film, our massive ensemble of films confront the main culprits of society's inequalities — the predominant white, male superheroes. They storm the restaurant where Captain America is having lunch with Superman. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! What?", Cap protests, but to no avail. "I don't know what you're talking about.", he insists, but that only angers the crowd further. After several attempts by both of the boys in blue to downplay the level of inequality, Superman tries another approach, reminding them he is an immigrant and Steve Rogers needs some leeway, given he's from another generation. The heroes seem defeated, but Batgirl points out that one of Superman's powers is being immune to being underprivileged, and ignorance of one's privilege is a privilege itself.
Things escalate further when Batman and Iron Man arrive, provoking accusations of class privilege and elitism. Batman protests, claiming that his abilities depend on him having massive wealth and leisure time. Tony Stark just quips that his wealth is a product of his genius, before producing a copy of Atlas Shrugged from his iron suit. The heroes reach for their laptops and smartphones and battle hard on forums, Youtube video comments, Twitter, and Facebook. Memes are wielded masterfully as simplified arguments for complicated issues. Eventually, the white, able-bodied, heterosexual men between the ages of 25 and 45, concede defeat. "What would thou have us do?", asks Thor. "Just be aware.", replies Wonder Woman. And so, thanks to the awareness of our privileged white males, the world is a better place.
However, the battle rages on. Our heroes must be forever vigilant on the internet, taking umbrage to every throwaway comment that can be categorised into an '-ism'. It rages against inequality in films, celebrity comments, and song lyrics. It rages on much like the Marvel and DC film series, endlessly, pointlessly, and predictably.
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