I would like you all to know that I pay tax. My taxes go towards funding and maintaining this country. See the education system? Yeah, that's right, all those schools and teachers are paid for by me. See those hospitals? All those sick people are being treated by medicine, nurses, and doctors paid for by me. The abhorrent troll of boringness that lurks in your head is telling you I should have taken the opportunity in that last sentence to mention the dire state of our health system. I'm falling asleep just thinking about you thinking about such a tiresome idea.
I'm digressing. See the roads? See the water you use to take your long shower (and symbolically reenter your mother's womb)? That's right; I paid for that.
...
Sorry, I nodded off just thinking about you reflexively mentioning the poor state of some of our roads and how we will have to pay more for water in the future. I was woken up by someone saying 'Only in Ireland.' in my near dream state. I escape into my dreams to escape such perfunctory (and demonstrably wrong) cliches. Anyway, my fellow taxpayers and I pay for all those things and more. We pay for child support, unemployment benefit, and pensions. I'm afraid to mention public transport, politicians wages, or the burdensome, needless bailout, as it will only produce depressing, hibernation-inducing, worn-out comments (comments that secretly resign to the situation, with an unimaginative sense of fait accompli). Yes, this country is supported by the Royal, tax-paying 'We'. People suffer not these burdens; tax-payers do. Citizens are not basis of society; those who get a percentage creamed off their pay packets are. When a politician makes a poor decision, We remind him not that he depends on Our vote, but that he depends on Our patronage. When money is squandered, We remind Our political leaders that it is Our money that has been misused. Our word is sacred, as long as We involuntarily contribute to the state's revenue.
Paying tax is the crown of the good life, and all the great figures of morality throughout history championed paying one's tax above all else. Socrates, the sage Athenian, claimed that once one understood the Good, one would be compelled to act upon it and pay one's taxes. Jesus of Nazareth, the central figure of the religion of billions, paid at least 25% tax on his carpentry sales. He said to his apostles "Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's. That is the way and the truth and the light. The word of my father will flow from your lips, like a sweet nectar, and the paradise will hence forth be yours." The Prophet Muhammad often asserted the importance of tax. "Ah, for feck's sake, lads, stop making portraits of me", he said, "I don't pay 40% tax to haveta put up with this shite."1 Gandhi, that self-righteous son-of-a-bitch, always paid at least 35% tax on his income, regardless of his other acts of civil disobedience. Dr Martin Luther King Jr., the American civil rights leader, spoke passionately about the subject, declaring "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the money that is involuntarily taken from their income each week."2 When South African anti-apartheid leader Nelson Mandela was imprisoned in Robben Island, he took solace in the comforting thought that life was like his income, and his jail time was like a 27% tax. He has willed himself to live this long, because it is far easier to approximate a percentage when the number is close to 100. For those of you who believe the above characters are inexpert at divining the good, because most of them (if not all of them) believed in some sort of divinity, I should mention that Richard Dawkins also believes in paying taxes. However, this is irrelevant, as Dawkins (outside of evolutionary biology) doesn't know what he is talking about.
We pay our taxes. It is the summum bonum and the hallmark of a true and noble character. Let a person be judged on what they are forced to contribute to the coffers of their country. As for those who are not contributing? You have the right to unleash the full force of your censure. Worry not if they cannot pay due to circumstance; you're paying for the privilege.
I'm digressing. See the roads? See the water you use to take your long shower (and symbolically reenter your mother's womb)? That's right; I paid for that.
...
Sorry, I nodded off just thinking about you reflexively mentioning the poor state of some of our roads and how we will have to pay more for water in the future. I was woken up by someone saying 'Only in Ireland.' in my near dream state. I escape into my dreams to escape such perfunctory (and demonstrably wrong) cliches. Anyway, my fellow taxpayers and I pay for all those things and more. We pay for child support, unemployment benefit, and pensions. I'm afraid to mention public transport, politicians wages, or the burdensome, needless bailout, as it will only produce depressing, hibernation-inducing, worn-out comments (comments that secretly resign to the situation, with an unimaginative sense of fait accompli). Yes, this country is supported by the Royal, tax-paying 'We'. People suffer not these burdens; tax-payers do. Citizens are not basis of society; those who get a percentage creamed off their pay packets are. When a politician makes a poor decision, We remind him not that he depends on Our vote, but that he depends on Our patronage. When money is squandered, We remind Our political leaders that it is Our money that has been misused. Our word is sacred, as long as We involuntarily contribute to the state's revenue.
Paying tax is the crown of the good life, and all the great figures of morality throughout history championed paying one's tax above all else. Socrates, the sage Athenian, claimed that once one understood the Good, one would be compelled to act upon it and pay one's taxes. Jesus of Nazareth, the central figure of the religion of billions, paid at least 25% tax on his carpentry sales. He said to his apostles "Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's. That is the way and the truth and the light. The word of my father will flow from your lips, like a sweet nectar, and the paradise will hence forth be yours." The Prophet Muhammad often asserted the importance of tax. "Ah, for feck's sake, lads, stop making portraits of me", he said, "I don't pay 40% tax to haveta put up with this shite."1 Gandhi, that self-righteous son-of-a-bitch, always paid at least 35% tax on his income, regardless of his other acts of civil disobedience. Dr Martin Luther King Jr., the American civil rights leader, spoke passionately about the subject, declaring "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the money that is involuntarily taken from their income each week."2 When South African anti-apartheid leader Nelson Mandela was imprisoned in Robben Island, he took solace in the comforting thought that life was like his income, and his jail time was like a 27% tax. He has willed himself to live this long, because it is far easier to approximate a percentage when the number is close to 100. For those of you who believe the above characters are inexpert at divining the good, because most of them (if not all of them) believed in some sort of divinity, I should mention that Richard Dawkins also believes in paying taxes. However, this is irrelevant, as Dawkins (outside of evolutionary biology) doesn't know what he is talking about.
We pay our taxes. It is the summum bonum and the hallmark of a true and noble character. Let a person be judged on what they are forced to contribute to the coffers of their country. As for those who are not contributing? You have the right to unleash the full force of your censure. Worry not if they cannot pay due to circumstance; you're paying for the privilege.
 |
| My accountant, who helps ensure I get 'taxed to the hilt.' |
1 From the 2009 Hiberno-English translation of the Quran.
2 I just know you're now going to check out the 'I have a dream' speech, as I've planted a seed in your mind. I also predict you'll try the 17 minute version first, before realising that it's too much of a time commitment and watching the two minute highlight video instead.
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