And the Emmy for Best Television Drama Goes to...

Hey, guys! I’ve a brilliant new idea for a TV show. Basically, it’s about me and my life, but altered to bring out the themes that run through my daily activities. It will straddle the lines of comedy and drama. This will enable me to take the audience by surprise, although the drama will predictably hit hard at the end of the episode. Some (surprisingly) insightful dialogue and acoustic guitar laden montages should drive the drama home, leaving the viewer profoundly affected as the credits roll. When we really need to play on the strings of the heart and mind, the main character will narrate, exploiting devastating existential truths.

Of course, the protagonist will have a job, like a lawyer or doctor, where issues of great gravitas arise every day. Perhaps a writer or actor, so he can muse artistically about his problems. He’ll have some eccentricities, which make his profession seem cooler and more unlikely. And he’ll get all the insights, as he edifies the other clueless characters. But it would be no fun to teach them in a didactic manner. Instead, he’ll use a roundabout method, where he acts like a complete asshole all the time, speaking about sensitive topics in a casual, disrespectful manner. This will create an edgy, comic effect. Of course, he’ll always be in control, so his manner will cloak how much he cares. In fact – in a brilliant twist – it will be revealed that his insensitive behaviour was caused by how much he deeply cares. This way, the audience can enjoy unfettered, troll-like behaviour without the guilt or indignation that their precious moral values have been offended. It will also make the main character cooler and even more insightful.

The other characters will only really serve to highlight the coolness of the main character and act as foil for his outrageous comic lines. I intend to setup the autocorrect on Word documents, so that ‘incr’ changes to ‘incredulous’, so often do I intend to use it when writing the other characters. The others’ lives will revolve around the protagonists dilemmas, and the protagonist always trump their wit and intelligence, even when it looks like they’ve got the best of him. Despite being a complete asshole, and probably having lots of idiosyncrasies and ailments, the main character will attract plenty of female attention. The women of the show (all of whom will be smoking hot) will be charmed and affronted in equal measure by the main character. They’ll try to navigate the difficult seas of his behaviour to find his heart. They’ll succeed. But no matter how deep and romantic the relationship, it will end within a season, because TV romances are only interesting at the start. It will end because of something cool and interesting the main character did, but it really won’t be his fault. He’ll regret it, but always have time to atone for it.

I was rummaging through names in my head, and I think House is a good, simple title. Unless I set it in California and load it with sex scenes, in which case I think Californication works.